What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 21.06.2025 00:13
And who doesn’t know suffering?
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Why is the government destroying the homeless instead of helping them?
Who then, do I blame.?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I waited trembling.
Do straight guys like to have sex with men when they smoke meth?
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
This is soul school!.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and how has it impacted your journey so far?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Citi Calls Time on Gold’s Rally Due to Slumping Demand, Fed Cuts - Bloomberg.com
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I was very sick at this time too.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
And i lived it daily.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Are you afraid of being alone?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
As i do to all so called friends.?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
If Iran’s Oil Is Cut Off, China Will Pay the Price - WSJ
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
My life is so biszare .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Have you ever followed through being bi-curious?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
She wouldn,t have been !
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
We were not on the streets..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I think the readers, may guess!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Comes on , in middle age.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I was scared of men, in general
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
But, we were locked up after school.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
It was going to be , some day.
I have no regrets .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
One cannot live in the past .
(And it was in our own minds.)
I couldn’t, believe it.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Was to survive, this bastard.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Ive learnt so much.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Would this be the day?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I will be 64.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
What did i know ?
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Especially a lifetime of it.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She loved him until the end.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
So, i spoilt her more .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
My family never makes their pension either.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I never cut or harmed myself..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But it wasn’t much.
We all went to grammer schools
I could never make a relationship work though!
I said to her
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
All the time i was locked up.
She found it foreign!.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
She was in good health!
But ive been too sick for many years..
Im still living with it.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Why did i forgive my father ?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Put me off passion for life!!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I don,t even have a pension.
So whats the point in blame.
He knew the spot.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
She married twice! .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I was seconnd youngest,
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He resisted the act ,that day.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
When she asked me how she looked .
I was 9 years of age.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I write beautiful poetry .